Saturday, June 1, 2013

So many things I'd like to say, but...

I'm nice? Well-behaved? Taught better manners?  Ah I don't know.

Y'all remember that shortly after Christmas I invited family to our home to celebrate Christmas, right?  Man, I had the best intentions, a good dinner, great family fun...even Skyped Deb in so she can see her family.

The road to Hell is paved with good intentions.  I've saved the photos from this debacle, because up until the moment my BIL intentionally started the fight w/Dave...it was going very well.(I'm deliberately trying to forget my BIL's emotional abuse of me. I'm considering the source) My In-Laws' were talking of this huge get-together in the summer for their 60th Wedding Anniversary.  It was going to be fun.

That weekend is here and all the rest of the family are in BRF celebrating.  We got an invite, and discussed it.  After all was discussed, we were pretty sure it was an empty gesture.  We don't go where we're not wanted.

There's still a lot of animosity, a ton of pain, and a ton of bad feelings that I have about this whole thing.  I just don't interact with people any more because honestly? I don't trust them. Superficially, sure. What's there to lose by offering a good day to someone? But interact with people? become their friends? trust them? I'm sorry, but no.

I could not even trust my own extended family.  They hate us, Said it to our faces that we're stupid and evil.

HATE us. How does one get past that?

I had myself thinking that maybe it was a good thing that this happened. I mean, spend the rest of our lives thinking that his parents really loved their son, and respected him...wow, that could be devastating for a kid, right?  Instead, make for damned sure you tell him how low you think of him, right? I mean, political ideas are SO much more important than family! Maybe I should be glad to be set straight on how things go at the In-Laws'.

But it's not a good thing.  I've racked my brain for months now, trying to figure out how I can fix myself of this problem.  I've come up with one conclusion.  I can't fix it, because I didn't do anything wrong.  All I wanted was a good Christmas. All I wanted was to celebrate with my family, who I *thought* loved their son and at least respected his choice in a wife.

Boy. was I wrong!


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