Monday, December 19, 2011

Bah Humbug! - Nah, more like Eh, Whatever...

I'm a confessed hater of Christmas.  No, not the whole gist of the thing: The birth of Jesus.  More like all that this entails in today's world. Christmas takes a tough season for me-winter- and makes it worse squared.

I also love lists so here's my reasons why I don't like Christmas:

  1.  Some dumass 2,000 years ago plopped this holiday in winter to make sure pagans would convert. Yeah, now that they've converted, can we put it back where it's supposed to be?  A friend and I spent a few hours discussing the true date of Jesus' birth.  From the part of the bible that states that 'Shepherds were watching their flocks by night.' makes us believe that it was in early spring. Shepherds usually sleep at night because flocks are good at tending to themselves, but Shepherds need to be constantly vigilant during lambing. That happens in early spring.
  2.  Driving in Wisconsin winters.  Oh yes, we must brave 3' snowdrifts to see's soooo magical being in a van going sideways down the road. Not one of them wants you to miss that! 
  3.  People who are normally just mildly annoying become monsters during this time. They are rude, super-aggressive and mean. It's a ME ME ME ME ME attitude that just wants me to commit homicide. 
  4. And all that aggro is for what? STUFF. People are being mean to each other for CRAP. The other day I saw one of those Kindle Fires. I wanted to see what all the hubbub was. The instant I picked it up, I get this "CAN YOU MOVE YOUR CART?!?!" from some other lady.  Yeah, I said out loud, "Oh fuck it. It's not like I was doing anything anyways." and walked away.  
  5. I take pride in giving my recipients things that would either fill a need or that they would enjoy. People in turn give me crap that I don't either want or need.  I don't wear earrings, nor pajama sets, nor pastel anything. Yet, that's what I get. I'm guessing that no one has really noticed  me sitting on their couches knitting something over the last 10 years. Oh hey, she knits! GIVE HER SOMETHING TO DO WITH KNITTING!!!!  This is a hobby that does not require anyone to go secretly into some deviant shop for supplies, WAL-MART sells yarn. 
  6. And all of you who have raised your nose and sniffed at any hand-knitted gift I've given you over the years? Well you can kiss my ass. Like those stupid gift cards are so thoughtful.  Don't try to placate me now by asking for anything more to be knitted, I'm NOT doing it.  Only my immediate family receive those gifts now. 
  7. If I have to hear one more Christmas Song, I am going to barf. They started playing them before Thanksgiving. STOP PLAYING THEM!
  8. The Christmas tree is now sitting in the front room where I normally sit with my laptop.  My nomadic life gets more nomadic and for what? A Tree? I have to find another place to station my laptop for 3 weeks while some tree drops needles in my spot. This morning when I brought in my laptop table to work on, I banged my thigh into the door jamb. That's going to be a nice bruise.  Do I get points for saying "OH Holy Night!" when I banged my leg?
  9. My Sister had 5 kids, I have one.  There was over 20 years of having to give. every. one. of. those. kids. a. present.  Even at the  minimum of 20 bucks that's 100 bucks a year to her 20.  I'm not a rich person, but sometimes people act like I'm rich.  Now they expect me to give their kids' kids a present? I'm sorry, not going to happen. 
  10. Every year for about 10 years we'd do the 'pick names out of the hat' at Thanksgiving to reduce the pressure on each of the kids. We'd add spouses/boyfriends too.  Invariably, my name would be selected by one of my Sister's boyfriends and by the time Christmas rolled around, they would be gone. So...I got no present for like 4 years.  Sure, I had to give someone one, but I never got one back. My mother took pity on me the last year and bought me a portable grill.  I liked that grill. 
After listing these issues, I'm surprised I don't just leave the area for a month and come back after New Years' - which brings up another set of issues...just don't get me started!

People expect others to be just this brimming font of happiness this time of year. I feel for my Hubby, who has a better outlook on this holiday. He has to put up with me.  Most years I can fake a decent holiday cheer to make everyone else happy, but this year...screw it. I know how little people think of me and it's about time I give that feeling back...That's my gift to the world this year. 

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